Pity the modern boss

I have lived a rather sheltered life working in the church. Generally employees in the church come in two forms--really, really good or really, really bad. Fortunately, I have had more of the former than the latter.

I have known for some time that many folks in the work world were time impaired when it came to getting to work, but only becoming a boss in the prison, did I discover that may be the least of a boss's problems.

Recently, I was coming in for my daily strip search that stops just short of completely stripping when in the line, was a petite little thing blond from her head to her toe. First, she was dressed like Dolly Parton except more so. She was wearing stiletto heels that made my nose bleed just looking at them. She was also wearing a push-up bra with wire supports. Now, you may ask, "how would he know this?"

Well, my little stiletto heeled low watt bulb couldn't get through the metal detector.
At first, I assumed it was all the metal jewelry she was wearing on her hands and fingers and toes and nose and lobes and neck and hair. But, after each of those were carefully removed while she giggled and cooed, she still set off the alarm.

While I was watching this barbie doll do her barbie doll thing, I found myself thinking of all the sex starved offenders behind the walls and wondered if we would find anything of hers left after she got on the unit. I expected it to be something like throwing meat to pit bulls.

It did not matter how much barbie took off, the metal detector kept going off. I began to wonder if it was a male machine (not really sure if they are gender specific) and he was enjoying the show. Finally, the screening officer, showing far more patience and restrain than I would have under similar circumstances, asked, "You aren't by any chance wearing a wire bra are you?"
Blondie giggled, "Why, yes I am. My push up bra has these wire underpinnings in it." Giggle, Giggle.

I never did know if she actually worked at the prison, but if she did, it was only for comic relief, nothing more. In our place, she actually set the cause of equal rights for blonds back to the stone age--make that jewelry age.