The Pandemic and Teens

While everyone is probably experiencing some strain as we move through this pandemic, we are getting reports that indicate teenagers are having challenging times dealing with the long summer break, sports grinding to a halt, isolation, and the overall disruption of their normal way of life. There are some good reasons why this may be the case.

First, most teens are finding their way into social circles which form around classes, school, sports, extracurricular activities, church youth groups. These groups are more than just wasting time or hanging out. It really is about socialization, learning to relate to others, listen, work together, respect differences, and of course confide in others who have proven to be trustworthy. So, much of that going away is huge.

Teens are also orienting away from the safety of their family which is a good thing. Most parents want children to be able to manage life and its duties and opportunities when the student leaves home. And most parents want their children to leave home when the time comes. In our traditional cultural setting, the student becomes more autonomous as they move closer to high school graduation. Going on to university is another step toward self determination and autonomy. All of that has been disrupted.

The usual break from school and university is a great time for a summer job which of course provides spending money and more. The closing down of the economy and the summer restrictions on how many can be in one place at one time, limits the opportunities for students to begin making and managing money. Movie theaters in our area have not reopened and they were constantly a source of youth employments.

The level of cultural anxiety is heightened because of the uncertainty surrounding how COVID is playing out in our community. Jobs are being lost putting some families at risk and the anxiety of parents about paying bills, paying rent, mortgage payments, and food can pass on to the teen. Even if parents attempt to work together and try to keep home appearing as normal as ever, children of all ages pick up on the tension and anxiety.

The wise cautious approach many churches are impacting youth in powerful ways. The social contact, the safety of the youth group, the opportunity to explore and understand ones own spiritual growth through study, worship, sermons, and conversations are powerful influences in a culture that does not share a teen's Christian values.

So what are parents to do to help their teens?

First parents can reassure their teens this COVID issue will not go on for ever even when we are unsure when life may get back to a more normal normal.

Second, parents can work with one's teen friend's parents to arrange some safe, small gatherings where they can meet up and be together. The socialization at school or sports are not easily reproduced, but small gatherings can help fill that void. The contacts or “gatherings” can cut across all the student's interests and friendships. Many teens are more connected with some, but enjoy the company of classmates, or sport team members. So make those gatherings a priority. Throw in some pizza and soft drinks and your can have a positive experience.

Lead your teen to get outside into nature. Spending much of the day staring at a TV/Computer screen whether for class work, or video gaming, is no substitute for getting outside and exercising whether it is riding, biking or walking. There is a fundamental connection between our person and nature. Nature has a way of calming us, lifting our mood, and helping us feel more positive and less depressed.

If you are a believer, the opportunity to process how one moves through challenging time recognizing often in the losses, the uncertainties, the changes which have stripped away many of the things we have routinely taken for granted, becomes a time for gratitude for what we had, confidence in our God, and expectancy for what the future will bring. It is also a good time for parents and the teens to share some meaningful Scriptures that speak to them and us in these days. Such times can also make us more powerful prayers looking to God and calling on God to heal our friends, lead the scientists to find the workable vaccine, give our leadership courage and wisdom to guide us during this time, and be with our church leaders as they try to lead in these demanding days.

The reality is our culture of busyness which has everyone going in different directions and meeting up at the end of the day, has changed. For parents of teens, it may be a time to enjoy that child more as you watch them mature, as you learn to transition to talking adult to adult, as you see and affirm how they are managing these days. It is also a wonderful time working on being more available, approachable, and more trustworthy in the eyes of your student. Many families have spent more time together as a family in the last six months than they have spent in the last several years.

So reconnect, lead the family to live in hope, be sensitive to what each child needs knowing that teen needs are in some ways radically different that the other children in the house.

Wash your hands, wear your mask for others, mind the gap, and be kind