Tragedy

I was awakened by an early call this morning calling me in to work. An officer's life had gone tragically awry and let behind hundreds of mourners.

Across my years in ministry, suicide has been a black hole that threatened to consume all who it touched. It obviously consumed the person who took that way out of their problems. It invites all that know the person to buy into the despair and hopelessness that fueled the life of the person they loved.

I started my morning off talking to some new officers about dealing with suicide. Suicide is always a hovering issue in prison life. It's easy to understand why. Offenders are given very small cells some of which are shared with another offender. For folks on death row, it will be home until or if they are finally executed. Then, if the offender carries a mental health diagnosis, suicide can be a way out of the weariness of dealing with intractable symptoms that often only go away with heavy, side affect laden medications. No wonder the mentally ill get weary and despairing.

So what did I say--what could I say? First, I am sympathetic, deeply sympathetic to the ones who remain. I remember vividly the day I heard about a fellow pastor who committed suicide. He was pastor of a church in town that had to face the reality their ancient and revered building was structurally unsound. The building had to be razed. As as churches often do, the journey was long, loud, contentious and not without causalities. The first funeral in their new building was the funeral of the pastor who took his life. The invitation to despair was almost overwhelming.

So, I said to the folks that they above everyone else on the planet should know that some folks spend their lives attempting to make others responsible for their lives. That is the story of many offenders. It's someone else's fault. But what we say to them is simply, "Every person is responsible for their own life." That is true for suicide. We cannot take personal responsibility for another's choice to live or die.

I also told them they could not accept the invitation to feel guilty. Suicide is always a race between folks: those who want the person to live and the person who wants to die. If the person wants to die, they will win the race. That is the reality of the situation.

I also told them if they carried away two lessons from this experience it should be: take care of yourself seeking help if you need it when you need it. To refuse help is to choose to self-destruct.
The other thing to remember is that innocent people always suffer when we are unwise in our choices. The final angry outburst toward others is the act of suicide.

Fortunately, there are not many days like today.