I was on my way home this afternoon after an appointment that didn't work out. Perhaps it was the confusion of arrangements, but I stopped by the HEB closest to our home. I had not been there in about two weeks and was unsure of what I would find. My children don't like for Anna and I to be venturing out to the grocery store because of the crowds. However, I must say that one of my Re Engage nurses at our table sent us a practical, helpful info time about how to not be afraid and not get sick. So Anna and I got most of it listened to and with that knowledge, I ventured out, first to my office and then from there to HEB.

My office was not kind to me. Apparently, technology has taken a dim view of me lately, so I could not get our Zoom meeting scheduled correctly last night so one of the younger men(they are always much younger) at our table took over and what I had sweated hours over, pulled Tim into for his help was done in five minutes. It continued as Tim texted me that he and Mandie were leading a FB prayertime for Cityview and wanted to know if we wanted to join the group today at noon. What is not to commit to, “a prayer time my son and daughter in law are leading, and the opportunity to pray with others if only by FB.” Well, I found the site before the noon start, and noon came and went and went more and finally, Anna left and I went back to look at what other options I had, and sure enough, they were 20 minutes into the prayer time by the time I found them—on FB. Great. Then later today I could not get my pass code to work in order to get me into the building and after that into the office I was to use. The efficient but cool manager of the place explained to me that increasingly their hours were being cut so we would have to be on our own more often without their help. The obvious reality that I somehow had seemed to survive to the ripe old age of whatever, escaped her and I suspect to her I was only a dithering old man.

At HEB, I needed to pick up laundry and prescriptions and a couple of other items. I strolled into the store as if nothing were the slightest amiss. I did not choose a cart because I would have to wipe it down and then my hands which had been in contact with the cart and after all, it was only a few items. The laundry was closed with new hours posted because of the pandemic. I still believe that a heavily starched long sleeved shirt in Texas will allow the jeans to go unnoticed and convey a sense of “professionalism.” That is my “mantra” so don't contradict me.

So unsuccessful at one task I undertook the other. Success and the “10 item or less” check out was quick and uneventful. The employee who oversees that area was nice and cordial. I went to the pharmacy which had recently installed glass shields to keep the staff in—kind of like the cages at the zoo. They said it was to protect everyone, but some of us “really” know what is going on. Those pharmacy folks can be quite frisky. Uneventful in the extreme—well except the clerk picked up my debit card with a tissue and returned it in the same way. I thought of the lepers in the time of Jesus.

So this is my take away. I looked across the faces of my neighbors, some were wearing masks and I saluted them, because it is ok. In fact pretty much everything is ok, IF we understand that we are all in this together. This pandemic may target certain populations but really, it can kill anyone at any time. So we all have reason to be concerned about aging parents, young children, young adults, middle aged adults. We have reason to be cautious, but we have NO reason to be unkind or rude or to allow ourselves to make distinctions that have so recently divided and torn at the heart of this nation. Perhaps I was in prison too long, but I have yet to meet a single person for whom Christ did not die. That death, that sacrifice unnecessary as it was, but given in grace as it was, cuts across all our differences and puts us together at the foot of the cross. All need mercy and grace, all need a savior. Some of us because of the grace of God have understood that and lived our lives differently because of that. Some have, as of yet not heard or understood. But this pandemic as inconvenient as it is, as devastating as it is, as consuming as it is, as economically destructive as it is may be our time, is the believers time to act with uncommon grace, uncommon sacrifice, and the uncommon love from Christ to all peoples—even our neighbors.

Pandemics are not like our TV series where the hero always wins. However, if we run to Christ, share Christ with those who are unsure of their destiny, show kindness to all who are in our path, and act like the believers we say we are, the outcome I assure you will please God.

Be safe, wash your hands, and don't touch your face.

I was introduced to the paralyzing experience of anxiety when I was doing Clinical Pastoral Education in my first church. I was assigned to visit the psychiatric Pavilion of what at that time was St John's hospital. On this particular Friday, the Pavilion was almost empty. However, when I returned on Monday, I discovered the Pavilion was at capacity. What had changed? An incident in East Asia involving a military incursion by China into a geographical neighbor had triggered anxiety half a world away.

I mention that because I am certain these days of uncertainty about the Carona Virus called COVID-19 and its unmeasured impact on our world, our nation and our state can create amazing levels of anxiety for all but especially those who are prone to anxiety. It does not help we have come to distrust the media, or the the current administration, and/or leaders in the rest of the world.

Here is what I believe I understand/know. First, I am one of those “at-risk elderly persons” because of both age and an ongoing condition called Type II Diabetes. I also know this COVID-19 has the property of compromising the respiratory function of those who catch the virus which means for many, their survival will depend on hospitalization and the use of respirators. I also know that many, many folks outside the “at risk” group may carry the virus without symptoms. That means they can pass it on not even being aware they carry the virus. So those facts may explain the rush to action that we are seeing around the world. The fact is that in Europe, the United Kingdom, Japan, and the United States we are seeing a significant aging of our populations. Many countries are not having enough babies to offset the aging population.

In all this rush, we may leave incredible anxious people behind. Folks who struggle daily with anxiety, may find their anxieties paralyzing because of so much confusion and so much uncertainty. How many times in your lifetime have you experienced your church closed for services? Most of us never experienced that until now. So, the usual sources of encouragement are not available.

This is what I am doing. First, I choose not to live in fear. It is that simple for me. I have nothing to fear because I believe with all my heart my life is tucked away eternally into the care of God. I also choose to live wisely and not foolishly. I will access my church on the internet because everyone during uncertain times needs the support of the rituals of our faith. Also, I will not be a part of a large crowd, and I will consider some of the options living in Round Rock affords me( like having my groceries delivered or prescriptions delivered), I will read a lot because I never seem to have enough time to read all that I want to read. I will study the Scriptures and I will pray for all those in authority over us. These are the times that test the mettle of leadership and I will pray specifically they are wise and prudent in their actions.

I am also choosing to get out and see clients, but realize there is a risk. However, I must say, as I understand my life, it has been at its best and most rewarding when I have been helping others. It is a calling I have carried since I was a youth. I will be considering moving many clients to video if they are comfortable with that option because I have that capability and the age of my clients means they are more likely to be asymptomatic carriers than to actually get sick with the virus.

If you struggle with anxiety, you might want to touch base with your counselor or find one as the need arises. This inconvenience may last several months, but not forever.

Monday, March 2, I turned 70. Now for those living in Texas, you thought the celebration was all about Texas Independence, but it was really about my birthday.

I know though, that except for me and my little world, this milestone is of little consequence. Lots of people, millions of people from around the world turn 70.

I have really never thought about how long I would live, but I realize that at a “certain age”(the go to for doctors about the aches and pains you report) I am closer to the end of my life than the beginning. I don't climb ladders any more not because I can't but because I can't bear to hear my son Tim say, “Dad ( aging parents you know the inflection, they heard it from us when we were their parents and they were teenagers) “What were you thinking?” And, well there is that little fact I know I have no business on a ladder. So now I am like the out of control teenager. Great!! The years have taken a toll on my capacity for balance and it began in my late 50's. I was a mystery in regard to that simple condition.

But I know home is really closer than when I started this journey. Last Sunday evening at church we had a special service with the oldest African American congregation in Round Rock and as old folks are prone to do, it washed over my life with memories. Years and years ago, in Mineral Wells, I inherited a wonderful tradition of pulpit exchange with an African American Church down the street. It was a highlight of my year. And some said, I preached my best when I was speaking to the African American congregation. Today, we would simply say, “I found my people.”

This year was a little different. I sat in my chair alone, because Anna had too much to catch up on and could not be present. For a moment, I thought about what my life would be like coming alone to church again and again because she was not there. I realized what courage many seniors have who make that journey, suffer in silence alone in their pew. That is what some of us older people think about. It could have been one of the reasons I wept through the service. It also could have been music that spoke of a different life where men and women from different backgrounds, races, ethnicities, languages, and customs all unite in worship. I long for that. I genuinely long for that. That's what I loved about some of the services we hosted at Calvary. I remember the time our Hispanic mission, the African American congregation and our church family were together on Sunday evening in worship. I thought I got a glimpse of Heaven.

It is a deep regret of my ministry in the local church that somehow I was unable to invite, encourage, and assimilate believers from all races, backgrounds, culture groups together in the church. The walls were too high, the racial bias too deep and I could never find the right words or behaviors.

So Monday, I turned 70. As I have gotten older, I think I have grown weary of the petty grudges that have kept us fighting among ourselves on God's green earth.

This evening as Anna and I shared our “date night” we met our server at Applebee's and a chance comment opened the door for her to tell us her story. It has been a difficult journey to 23 but she had learned some awesome lessons from her mistakes and exhibited to us patience. In this brief encounter, Anna and I learned of her difficult growing up, her foolish mistakes, her time in jail, her drugs and other stuff, her failed relationships, and now the promise of a better life with a child she was carrying the father of which was still in her life. It all came pouring out when I made the simple observation, “You have amazing patience,” referencing the customers from hell in the next booth. She patiently went through all the ingredients in each dish, the portions, the appearances, the whatever could be asked regarding the menu. She never raised her voice, and she patiently explained, explained, and explained. My compliment opened up her story and I believe one she needed to share. Truth is, we will go back to the restaurant to see her, not so much for the food.

Turning 70, I notice life looks differently: the power of Christlike kindness; the friendly driving that welcomes a driver to come on in to the madness, the awareness we are in some way all trying to get to the same place---home.

So I turned 70 Monday, and for my birthday, I was able to schedule three new veterans for appointments, two folks for video counseling, and one couple for marriage therapy. It could have been one of the greatest birthday's ever.