The Child Formerly known as Joseph

We are familiar with stars changing their birth names for artistic reasons, however, some change their birth names for other reasons. Case in point, Joe.

Joe(the oldest youngest child formerly known as Joseph) has not always been the oldest youngest or always been Joe.

I have lived the larger part of my life as a father calling Joseph Andrew Chancellor, Joseph. He wanted it that way and I wanted it that way. It was only after the child’s name was etched in stone (approved by all parties past, present, and future) I discovered that Joseph could be shortened to “Joe,” and most likely would. I was aghast. First, that I was so stupid as to saddle my son with a name what would immediately become a nickname known for just referring to anybody. And second, that I would have a son named Joe.

So, the slow war began to resist the temptation to shorten “Joseph” to “Joe.” For the first three years, it was the parent’s battle. After Joseph could speak, he made it a mission in life to be known as Joseph. He had no fear of correcting people of all ages and walks of life. “My name is Joseph,” usually went the rebuke. And it worked. Against all odds, Joseph grew up without his name being shorted to “Joe.”

Then came China and Mandarin. Apparently, “Joseph” is difficult if not impossible to pronounce in Mandarin. So, not long after Joseph moved to spend a year in China, what years of friends and strangers could not do, Mandarin Chinese accomplished. Apparently, “Joseph” in Chinese, became something like “Yosefu.” For many Chinese, it was unpronounceable. So, instead of becoming the “Yank whose name one cannot pronounce,” “Joseph” became “Joe.”

Joseph became the “oldest” youngest child around another event in his parent’s lives.

After we had fallen in love with James, it became apparent that we would need to talk with our children about adopting the 10 year old. We were in the midst of Christmas shopping by e-mail suggestions, and I just dropped the sentence, “How would you feel about being the middle child instead of the youngest?”

Joseph e-mailed back, “I will call you tonight.”

Now grown children are rather funny about matters of sex and their parents. They evolve from not knowing anything about the subject, to curiosity about how they came to be, and the difference between boys and girls. Then, as they move into adolescence developing their own sexuality, the idea their parents might have sex is revolting. I remember reading a text book for my counseling degree. The class was “Human Sexuality.” As I recall, I left the book open on the dining room table. The particular subject was social diseases and my son walked by. There were pictures. And he was grossed out. “Dad, would you close that book and put it up! One of my friends might see it.” The notion that people older than 30 might be having sex, was equally revolting–especially if these older folks are your parents.

So Joseph calls and what follows is a long distance exercise of sputtering attempts to ask a very delicate question. “Dad, I, uhhhhhh, well, I thought you and Mom, uhhhh, how could you at your age, uhhh. . .” It was rare for me to find my son speechless and sputtering so I just sat back and enjoyed the misery. He finally wound down, and I said, “We are thinking of adopting a 10 year old boy who needs a home. You mother is not pregnant except with love and a burden. Joseph relaxed and became quite the little cheerleader for our adoption. And he became the middle child.

Fast forward a couple of years and Joseph is enrolled in the Master’s program in psychology at Pepperdine University at Riverside. On one family occasion, he snuggled up to me and said, “You know this whole middle child thing has completely scarred my psyche–perhaps forever.” Being the incredibly empathetic counselor that I am, I responded, “Well, you’ll just have to get over it won’t you?”

So I have hit upon the idea of minimizing the damage by restoring Joseph (now Joe) to his former glory as the youngest child. He is just the oldest youngest. Somehow that works for me.