Smiles and Wailing all in the same box

Today, in the mail, I got my IRS letter telling me they were going to "stimulate" me. I must confess whenever I get a letter of any kind from the IRS, I find it stimulating for all the wrong reasons. Somehow I have grown up with a healthy fear of "death and the IRS" not so much "death and taxes,"--and not so much death.

In typical "IRSese" it took two pages to tell me I am getting $XXX. back. However, even though the notice was timed to coincide with the "stimulus," the note arrived first. I guess of all the things the IRS can tell one, sending one money that last year they ruthlessly collected from one's trembling clutches ain't such a bad way to begin the day. I know it's "middle class" welfare, but this is the first time I have been really sure I was a "card carrying" member of the middle class.

The second thing in the mail counterbalanced the first. I was being summoned for jury duty. Officially, it is "Legal Petit Jury." I am not sure what an "illegal Petit Jury" looks like, but governments are all the same--use three words when one will do.

So, because I don't qualify for any exemptions, I clear my schedule and go through the same drill of not getting picked. Here is another example of government or lawyers gone crazy. They send out notices to 500 people, looking for 12 and then settle at the last minute. I am not against capital punishment, but I would generally restrict it to lawyers and judges.

As I understand it, (and my understanding is always subject to change in the face of accurate information or semi-accurate information), I am guaranteed by the Constitution--you know the other document that was not stolen by Nicolas Cage--a jury of my peers. Now, here is where it gets sticky--apparently. This is most likely why I am not a lawyer. I would interpret a jury of my peers as "twelve people with whom I reside in the region in which I live." What could be simpler. So, the first twelve people to show up would win the prize.

However, I can see how that might skew the jury if someone were being tried for being too early for something. And being early was a criminal offense of some kind or another--which would explain the cosmic significance of waiting rooms. Waiting rooms are not where one waits until one's appointment, rather, waiting rooms are where one languishes after one's appointment time has come and gone. However, in the unlikely event (like a water landing in your commuter aircraft somewhere in Texas requiring you to use your flotation device) one was being tried for being too early to some event, all the jury would be in totally sympathy and would slap the hand of the judge who is chronically late for court.

Alas, that is not how lawyers interpret "a jury of your peers." "A jury of your peers" today means the carefully strained (both meanings)pool of potential jurors for those most likely to give the attorney what he or she wants. Given the adversarial system of our justice, one can begin to see a slight problem.

I always spend about two hours in the holding tank before they release me.(which helps me empathize with fish who get caught in "catch and release" programs right down to the hook in the mouth!)
Why am I never chosen, you might ask? I have too many strikes against me. I am a pastor; my wife and I are counselors who may actually know the defendant and tried to help them; my wife works with victims of neglect and abuse; we have been victims of violent crime, and our son is a policeman. That is not even to mention that I believe every defendant's attorney should be hung by his/her feet until he/she promises to not waste our time and insult our intelligence. Unfortunately some of them would be upside down for a while.

People who call for tax reform are as likely to get that as those of us who call for judicial reform. Some years ago, I remember hearing the quip, "if you took all the lawyers in the world and laid them end to end--that would be a good thing!"

All I've got to say is, they wouldn't be in court that day or the following day to waste my time and yours. They would be screening their fellow lawyers for who would be at their head and at their feet.