Congratulations! It's a kidney stone!

I have just come from the trauma center where one of our ministers most likely is unsuccessfully attempting to pass a kidney stone. Kidney stones are God's way of reminding men having babies hurt a lot!
The survivors of kidney stones are a rather tight knit group. We compare pain, the size, the symptoms, the kind. All of this because--well we can and somehow it helps to talk about your inner pain with someone who really understands.
To those of you who have never had a kidney stone, the best way to describe it is like trying to pass a grass burr the size of Omaha. After 9/11, I was in the trauma center unsuccessfully trying to pass my 7th stone when three hours later I was no closer to being seen by a doctor or being free of pain. I asked one of my members to step outside and tell security that I was a terrorist with a gun and just come in and shoot me. He didn't but it would have been good if he had.
The modern routine in the modern trauma center is the same. Everyone treats you as if you are stupid about your body. At triage, one nurse told me, "Mr. Chancellor, your blood pressure is up a little." I looked at her through teary eyes of disbelief and said with rather amazing restraint, "I have noticed this often happens WHEN I AM TRYING TO PASS A KIDNEY STONE!!" She said, "I guess that could explain it." Triage done, we go back to the waiting room to--wait. Trauma center waiting rooms are really a test of the sincerity and stamina of the ill and infirm. If you die or leave before your name is called, you really were not that serious about seeing the physician who moves at the speed of a turtle with three legs casted.
However, just because you get back to a room means nothing at all. I am an expert on my kidney stone pain and my kidney stones. However, in the presence of trained medical personnel, that is meaningless. So, I must wait for the C-Scan to tell the doctor that I have a kidney stone who relays the information to the nurse on her lunch break who then comes in and confirms what I knew four hours ago. I have a kidney stone the size of Omaha that I am not going to pass in this lifetime. So, she suggests that someone give me a pain shot since they now know that it is a kidney stone. I suggest perhaps the person most equipped to give me the pain shot might be her. She does a "ah duh" and goes for the shot. After that, I don't remember much--until I got the bill.
It goes without saying that my heart and prayers go out to our minister friend.