The Incompetent Traveler

I never intended to be a world traveler.

No one in my family is or was. It is true that Dad was in the service and saw action in the South Pacific as a Marine, but once he got back home to the old US of A, he never intended to leave. God had birthed him in the US, and he was not leaving.

I got my first passport in my second church. I made a mission trip to Brazil. It was both success and disaster for me. It was success in that we did what we were asked to do. It was disaster because I wore a watch and actually expected things to happen when they were advertised. I did not make the same mistake on the second trip. It was on the first trip that we stayed in homes of a dear family that did not understand English and I did not understand Portuguese. So we used our hands a lot. It was on this trip that I learned about another part of the world and some interesting things about myself.

I learned I am allergic to lye soap, and by the time I left Brazil everything I owned had been washed in it. It was like being thrown back into adolescence when one is covered with pimples.

I learned that just because there are wires dangling out of the dohicky behind the shower head, one will not be electrocuted. It is only an "on demand" heater like your children are "on demand" if you need them.

I learned there are parts of the world where time means nothing and somehow they live with it.

And so began my traveling career. I remember riding up a funicular in Bergen, Norway, and the people sitting beside us asked, "So, do you travel internationally a lot?" My immediate response was, "Hardly at all." Then I began to think of all the places we had been. That was 9 years ago. Twice to Brazil, twice to Norway, once to Taiwan, and then the real traveling started. We went to see our children when they were in China and Thailand by way of Taiwan. Then, three years later we were back to see the middle child in China and Hong Kong. Then there was Ecuador,South Africa,Brazil and recently, there has been Greece (2), Macedonia, Hungary, Austria, Slovakia, and Prague.

After all that travel, I consider myself an expert on--delayed luggage. When one deals with the airlines, luggage is never lost, it is delayed. It may be delayed for a day, or two days, or as in Taiwan, 4 days and 6 days, but it is never lost. It may be delayed the rest of your life, but never lost. I have this picture in my mind of having a delayed bag delivered to my casket during my final memorial service. In anticipation of such an occurrence, I have asked for 7 pall bearers. There will be six to carry the casket and one to carry the bag that finally showed up. I plan to be buried in the "oops" shirt that always comes with the "oops" bag from the airlines when one's baggage is delayed.
It will be a fitting end to the life of an Incompetent Traveler.