The way forward for the BGCT Part II

When couples present themselves for counseling where love is present but trust and respect are gone, we have both education and real work ahead. We also start with a fundamental rule, "No whining!"

For the person (or Convention leadership) who has lost the trust of the other, the person or convention needs to understand that everything for the past few years has been a lie. Everything! If we are talking about an affair, then there are several things at work. There is the affair itself,(which is a breach of love, trust, and respect) the covering up of the affair, and all the dishonesty associated with the infidelity. That must be understood or the person cannot understand the skepticism of the spouse. If the last few years have been tissues of lies, then just saying, "I am telling the truth now, there is no one else!" Well, they have heard that before, haven't they?

In an institutional structure like the BGCT, dishonesty and disrespect can take root quickly and be difficult to root out. Trust and respect may also be difficult and slow to return. What does not work is blaming the person who is skeptical of the responses they hear. After all, their skepticism was well justified previously and the responses were the same.

So what does it take to move forward? I would suggest several things. First, I think it is essential for elected and paid leadership to acknowledge the sins of the past. Funny thing, this business of repentance and forgiveness. We want it to be localized and personalized. We get very uncomfortable when leadership must stand and say, "The BGCT has been reckless and dishonest about your giving dollars in the past few years. As elected leaders who functioned during that time and function now, we are grieved in any part we have had in this breach of trust and we pledge to not allow this to happen again. We are deeply repentant and grieved about any part we have played in the betrayal of trust and respect."

Second, elected and employed leadership must act and speak with candor and transparency. No more evasions! No more referrals to someone else who is going to pass us on to someone else. No more lies. No more misinformation or partial information. More than that, this group must be out in front of anything that is bad news, discouraging news, or embarrassing news. We need to hear it from elected and paid leadership FIRST.

Finally, rebuilding trust and respect takes time. The leader (paid or elected) that wants a transformation of environment overnight is at the wrong place at the wrong time. Trust and respect are stolen in a moment but rebuilt over the years.

So, what is the way forward? Candor, transparency, patience, and always the truth. Always the truth!