I was on my way home this afternoon after an appointment that didn't work out. Perhaps it was the confusion of arrangements, but I stopped by the HEB closest to our home. I had not been there in about two weeks and was unsure of what I would find. My children don't like for Anna and I to be venturing out to the grocery store because of the crowds. However, I must say that one of my Re Engage nurses at our table sent us a practical, helpful info time about how to not be afraid and not get sick. So Anna and I got most of it listened to and with that knowledge, I ventured out, first to my office and then from there to HEB.

My office was not kind to me. Apparently, technology has taken a dim view of me lately, so I could not get our Zoom meeting scheduled correctly last night so one of the younger men(they are always much younger) at our table took over and what I had sweated hours over, pulled Tim into for his help was done in five minutes. It continued as Tim texted me that he and Mandie were leading a FB prayertime for Cityview and wanted to know if we wanted to join the group today at noon. What is not to commit to, “a prayer time my son and daughter in law are leading, and the opportunity to pray with others if only by FB.” Well, I found the site before the noon start, and noon came and went and went more and finally, Anna left and I went back to look at what other options I had, and sure enough, they were 20 minutes into the prayer time by the time I found them—on FB. Great. Then later today I could not get my pass code to work in order to get me into the building and after that into the office I was to use. The efficient but cool manager of the place explained to me that increasingly their hours were being cut so we would have to be on our own more often without their help. The obvious reality that I somehow had seemed to survive to the ripe old age of whatever, escaped her and I suspect to her I was only a dithering old man.

At HEB, I needed to pick up laundry and prescriptions and a couple of other items. I strolled into the store as if nothing were the slightest amiss. I did not choose a cart because I would have to wipe it down and then my hands which had been in contact with the cart and after all, it was only a few items. The laundry was closed with new hours posted because of the pandemic. I still believe that a heavily starched long sleeved shirt in Texas will allow the jeans to go unnoticed and convey a sense of “professionalism.” That is my “mantra” so don't contradict me.

So unsuccessful at one task I undertook the other. Success and the “10 item or less” check out was quick and uneventful. The employee who oversees that area was nice and cordial. I went to the pharmacy which had recently installed glass shields to keep the staff in—kind of like the cages at the zoo. They said it was to protect everyone, but some of us “really” know what is going on. Those pharmacy folks can be quite frisky. Uneventful in the extreme—well except the clerk picked up my debit card with a tissue and returned it in the same way. I thought of the lepers in the time of Jesus.

So this is my take away. I looked across the faces of my neighbors, some were wearing masks and I saluted them, because it is ok. In fact pretty much everything is ok, IF we understand that we are all in this together. This pandemic may target certain populations but really, it can kill anyone at any time. So we all have reason to be concerned about aging parents, young children, young adults, middle aged adults. We have reason to be cautious, but we have NO reason to be unkind or rude or to allow ourselves to make distinctions that have so recently divided and torn at the heart of this nation. Perhaps I was in prison too long, but I have yet to meet a single person for whom Christ did not die. That death, that sacrifice unnecessary as it was, but given in grace as it was, cuts across all our differences and puts us together at the foot of the cross. All need mercy and grace, all need a savior. Some of us because of the grace of God have understood that and lived our lives differently because of that. Some have, as of yet not heard or understood. But this pandemic as inconvenient as it is, as devastating as it is, as consuming as it is, as economically destructive as it is may be our time, is the believers time to act with uncommon grace, uncommon sacrifice, and the uncommon love from Christ to all peoples—even our neighbors.

Pandemics are not like our TV series where the hero always wins. However, if we run to Christ, share Christ with those who are unsure of their destiny, show kindness to all who are in our path, and act like the believers we say we are, the outcome I assure you will please God.

Be safe, wash your hands, and don't touch your face.

I was introduced to the paralyzing experience of anxiety when I was doing Clinical Pastoral Education in my first church. I was assigned to visit the psychiatric Pavilion of what at that time was St John's hospital. On this particular Friday, the Pavilion was almost empty. However, when I returned on Monday, I discovered the Pavilion was at capacity. What had changed? An incident in East Asia involving a military incursion by China into a geographical neighbor had triggered anxiety half a world away.

I mention that because I am certain these days of uncertainty about the Carona Virus called COVID-19 and its unmeasured impact on our world, our nation and our state can create amazing levels of anxiety for all but especially those who are prone to anxiety. It does not help we have come to distrust the media, or the the current administration, and/or leaders in the rest of the world.

Here is what I believe I understand/know. First, I am one of those “at-risk elderly persons” because of both age and an ongoing condition called Type II Diabetes. I also know this COVID-19 has the property of compromising the respiratory function of those who catch the virus which means for many, their survival will depend on hospitalization and the use of respirators. I also know that many, many folks outside the “at risk” group may carry the virus without symptoms. That means they can pass it on not even being aware they carry the virus. So those facts may explain the rush to action that we are seeing around the world. The fact is that in Europe, the United Kingdom, Japan, and the United States we are seeing a significant aging of our populations. Many countries are not having enough babies to offset the aging population.

In all this rush, we may leave incredible anxious people behind. Folks who struggle daily with anxiety, may find their anxieties paralyzing because of so much confusion and so much uncertainty. How many times in your lifetime have you experienced your church closed for services? Most of us never experienced that until now. So, the usual sources of encouragement are not available.

This is what I am doing. First, I choose not to live in fear. It is that simple for me. I have nothing to fear because I believe with all my heart my life is tucked away eternally into the care of God. I also choose to live wisely and not foolishly. I will access my church on the internet because everyone during uncertain times needs the support of the rituals of our faith. Also, I will not be a part of a large crowd, and I will consider some of the options living in Round Rock affords me( like having my groceries delivered or prescriptions delivered), I will read a lot because I never seem to have enough time to read all that I want to read. I will study the Scriptures and I will pray for all those in authority over us. These are the times that test the mettle of leadership and I will pray specifically they are wise and prudent in their actions.

I am also choosing to get out and see clients, but realize there is a risk. However, I must say, as I understand my life, it has been at its best and most rewarding when I have been helping others. It is a calling I have carried since I was a youth. I will be considering moving many clients to video if they are comfortable with that option because I have that capability and the age of my clients means they are more likely to be asymptomatic carriers than to actually get sick with the virus.

If you struggle with anxiety, you might want to touch base with your counselor or find one as the need arises. This inconvenience may last several months, but not forever.

Monday, March 2, I turned 70. Now for those living in Texas, you thought the celebration was all about Texas Independence, but it was really about my birthday.

I know though, that except for me and my little world, this milestone is of little consequence. Lots of people, millions of people from around the world turn 70.

I have really never thought about how long I would live, but I realize that at a “certain age”(the go to for doctors about the aches and pains you report) I am closer to the end of my life than the beginning. I don't climb ladders any more not because I can't but because I can't bear to hear my son Tim say, “Dad ( aging parents you know the inflection, they heard it from us when we were their parents and they were teenagers) “What were you thinking?” And, well there is that little fact I know I have no business on a ladder. So now I am like the out of control teenager. Great!! The years have taken a toll on my capacity for balance and it began in my late 50's. I was a mystery in regard to that simple condition.

But I know home is really closer than when I started this journey. Last Sunday evening at church we had a special service with the oldest African American congregation in Round Rock and as old folks are prone to do, it washed over my life with memories. Years and years ago, in Mineral Wells, I inherited a wonderful tradition of pulpit exchange with an African American Church down the street. It was a highlight of my year. And some said, I preached my best when I was speaking to the African American congregation. Today, we would simply say, “I found my people.”

This year was a little different. I sat in my chair alone, because Anna had too much to catch up on and could not be present. For a moment, I thought about what my life would be like coming alone to church again and again because she was not there. I realized what courage many seniors have who make that journey, suffer in silence alone in their pew. That is what some of us older people think about. It could have been one of the reasons I wept through the service. It also could have been music that spoke of a different life where men and women from different backgrounds, races, ethnicities, languages, and customs all unite in worship. I long for that. I genuinely long for that. That's what I loved about some of the services we hosted at Calvary. I remember the time our Hispanic mission, the African American congregation and our church family were together on Sunday evening in worship. I thought I got a glimpse of Heaven.

It is a deep regret of my ministry in the local church that somehow I was unable to invite, encourage, and assimilate believers from all races, backgrounds, culture groups together in the church. The walls were too high, the racial bias too deep and I could never find the right words or behaviors.

So Monday, I turned 70. As I have gotten older, I think I have grown weary of the petty grudges that have kept us fighting among ourselves on God's green earth.

This evening as Anna and I shared our “date night” we met our server at Applebee's and a chance comment opened the door for her to tell us her story. It has been a difficult journey to 23 but she had learned some awesome lessons from her mistakes and exhibited to us patience. In this brief encounter, Anna and I learned of her difficult growing up, her foolish mistakes, her time in jail, her drugs and other stuff, her failed relationships, and now the promise of a better life with a child she was carrying the father of which was still in her life. It all came pouring out when I made the simple observation, “You have amazing patience,” referencing the customers from hell in the next booth. She patiently went through all the ingredients in each dish, the portions, the appearances, the whatever could be asked regarding the menu. She never raised her voice, and she patiently explained, explained, and explained. My compliment opened up her story and I believe one she needed to share. Truth is, we will go back to the restaurant to see her, not so much for the food.

Turning 70, I notice life looks differently: the power of Christlike kindness; the friendly driving that welcomes a driver to come on in to the madness, the awareness we are in some way all trying to get to the same place---home.

So I turned 70 Monday, and for my birthday, I was able to schedule three new veterans for appointments, two folks for video counseling, and one couple for marriage therapy. It could have been one of the greatest birthday's ever.

One of the fun things I have benefited from moving and living in Round Rock, Texas is the incredible diversity of this area's population. Part of the reason for that is Round Rock is in Texas and so many migrants/immigrants whether legal or not have always found their way to Texas. When I was growing up in Odessa, there were primarily three different cultures: Black, White, and Hispanic. Then Texas got adventuresome and progressive.

Where Texas had been known for oil, oil related work, dry land and irrigated farming, with associated up and downs following the fortunes of oil, now the Texas economy has a wider foot print. Manufacturing and technology have made our region a virtual United Nations which is good for all of us. Why, you ask?

For the Christian, the neighbor next door can be from anywhere in the world and if one wants the experience of overseas missions, get a block party together. No matter what you prepare and serve it won't match the cost of a round trip ticket to SE Asia. Sharing Jesus and being Jesus to an immigrant costs you nothing.

Or you could give the gift of hospitality. You can truly welcome the neighbor from across the street or from around the world. Last fall when I had my cataract surgery, we used "Uber" to get into Austin and I met men from around the world supplementing their income/making it their income. I received the gift of sight from my Doctor but the rides in and back were gifts of sight as well. The only unpleasant driver was a Caucasian know-it-all born and raised in Round Rock.

Courtesy, respect and openness to others costs us nothing. It steals nothing from us or diminishes us in any way. However, courtesy, respect, and openness enrich us in intangible ways. The Viking Cruise commercials on PBS suggest that such experiences outside of "our little world" can make us kinder.

I say all this because I am troubled by the toxicity injected into our recent national conversation. Such venom reminds and reveals the stretch marks of less tolerant times in the nation's history. A dark underbelly of intolerance has been a chronic feature of this nation formed and created to be that great beacon of light set on a hill. It is the founding fathers who dreamed of a different kind of governance  where all people were equal. However, even from the beginning, that dream was compromised by not addressing the issue of slavery. Since that time, waves of immigrants have been greeted with less than open arms but over time, we grew together. However, even with those detours, the hope of equality has not dimmed.

The troubling exclusive perspective of "like me--good!" "Not like me---bad!"  raises all kinds of issues. The very notion of "taking back" the country is uncharacteristically naive and very xenophobic in the extreme. The xenophobia actually sees people not structures as the problem and minimizes the real causes of the feeling "I" have been stolen from/deprived/got the short stick. Taking back is the rally cry of a person who feels something has been taken from them. Immigrants are a good target until you begin to step back and look at the real picture.

What is the real picture? I believe it is that as a country we have achieved the success we possess because of our capacity to mobilize immigrants who want to buy into our national promises and vision. They demonstrate that every day by showing up at diverse jobs which span the spectrum from manual labor to skills as physicians, scientists, and emerging technologies.

Perhaps no other person than Ronald Reagan has spoken more eloquently:
https://nowthisnews.com/videos/politics/ronald-reagans-final-presidential-speech-was-for-immigrants

Tonight was my “chair throwing and table rolling” evening with some men of Cityview. This group meets throughout the year before the Wednesday evening Marriage focused program called “Re Engage.” Because our new church home is a recently new church start in a new building, worship space was intentionally made to be flexible. That means (most recently) we meet to stack 660 padded chairs and replace them with 13 tables where 10 per table sit for Re Engage. Now, on Thursday morning at 6:00am our men meet at 14 tables to do a Bible study around the book “The Practice of Godliness.”After that, a team comes in to break down the tables and chairs and replace them with the 660 for both Sunday morning services. This will change on Easter when we shift to three morning services.

My pastoral/church experience finds these gatherings familiar. At every church I have served, there have been times when I got to scrub toilets, move tables and chairs and do the “grunt” work that goes on out of sight from most of the congregation. I doubt that many church members ever give consideration to “who” gets things ready, cleans up after services, cleans the toilets, etc. Cityview has a custodial service that comes in during the week, but on Sundays, one will see men of the church gathering trash from the preschool and children's area and getting it out to the trash bin in the corner of the parking lot because, nothing quite says it all like a dirty diaper fermenting over a couple of days in a trash can.

Cityview is a culture change for Anna and me. There is only a praise team but no choir. Music and singing are louder than in more established churches. The baptistery is wheeled out on the stage once a month for baptisms. There is no altar call but Elders and wives and the Ministers and wives are down front at the close of the service to respond to questions and prayer as indicated. The conversation can continue at the discipleship desk manned by the Discipleship pastor. The DNA of this congregation is small groups which meet throughout the week walking with each other through the trials of life.

Anna and I learned of Cityview through our oldest son and his wife Mandie. They found it was what they needed and wanted and now Tim serves as a elder. I was drawn to Cityview because well, the shoe was on the other foot. Tim and his brother Joseph had to settle for me as their pastor, but now Tim is helping to lead his church and frankly, I wanted to watch that unfold. Not to be critical, but to be overjoyed at who my son has become personally and in his walk with Christ. So Cityview has lived up to all my expectations. We have an awesome pastor who brings the Message with skill and power. His humility and transparency are sobering. Anna and I were introduced to the pastor's wife, Barie, with the comment from the pastor, “I will introduce Barie and she will come up and say something inappropriate.” It is a joke around the church. But it is said with love and well-- pride. It is the authenticity, simply people being who they are that is so disarming.

So, stacking chairs, rolling out tables, setting folding chairs around the tables is an exercise of friendship ending in Bible Study and prayer.

I am loving this time in our lives.

Ideology today

I might find ideology more appealing if in today's society it was less a reason for inaction than a cause. I also might find ideology more appealing if it was less a blunt instrument with which to beat people and more of a "because of this, I propose this."

But that is not the fate of ideology today.

Sadly, ideology today does not facilitate dialogue or conversation, but rather provides the background for shrill debate in which no one listens because no one has anything to learn and certainly not any truth ungrasp.

Ideology today is not beginning with ideas rather the spewing forth of dogma both heard and repeated but unable to stand the scrutiny of anyone not as dogmatic as oneself on exactly the same issues. In fact what attempts to pass for conversation and discussion in America today is more like a mediocre sound system poorly adjusted resulting in a echo ring of annoying proportions.

Perhaps what is most annoying about ideology today is its perverted misuse to justify the paralyzing inaction of leaders in a time that has no time for inaction or delay. So, all that happens is noise, raised voices, invectives, pointed fingers, criticism and--inaction. That is not leadership. That has never been leadership. Nor will it ever pass for leadership except among those who either have lost sight of what leadership is or wrongly believe leadership is about being an impasse to action.

If the fast paced world of business adopted the model of leadership we frankly do not see among the public sector elected government legislators and congressional representatives, they would have marched their companies into insolvency.

Oh, wait, that is what they did. But, what business did was turn to the government to bail them out financially. Where shall the "leaders" of government turn?

Posting without insight

Immigration and immigration reform are serious issues in the West. Ignoring this seems to me to be rather foolish. However, the inability of nations of the West to find workable solutions is a continuing source of both debate and ill will toward those who find their way to "our" shores.

Recently, there has been a rather unhelpful post circulating on Facebook on this issue. It goes something like this: if you came across the border illegally into North Vietnam/Russia/Iran you would be arrested, tried, imprisoned. After that, the focus changes to how illegal immigrants are treated in the United States. And of course, it is overly generous, infuriating, and a tax burden for schools, medical care and welfare.

This post is troubling at several levels. First, the lack of insight in comparing bankrupt tyrannies in which citizens attempt to flee oppression and starvation to a thriving freedom driven country is just silly.

Additionally, the dismiss the economic factors of illegal migration are shallow and disingenuous. People aren't flocking to infiltrate impoverished economies. Duh! People attempt to get to places where they can earn money to support their families.

So, perhaps what small hearted Americans should do is to ask God to take away the money and take away the freedom, and that will solve the illegal immigrations problem.